Ze Winter Ball and a Duck!
by TwoHeadedSquirrel
Summary: The winter ball is coming up, and Serge is being sought out by, 3 women?!?!?!?!? Uh-oh, things don't sound too good for little Sergie-kinns!!!!CHAPTA 5 IS NOW UP!!!! Will Serge ever get of hold that duck?!?!?!?!
1. The first attack from the post its

Disclaimer: I do not own rights to Chrono Cross *sob* WHY!?!?!? WHY!?!?!? *koff koff* Anywho, so for this story, ummm. there is this winter party ball thingy and the whole world wants Serge to go with them. Okay!!! ENOUGH WITH THE INFO AND ONTO THE FIC!!!  
  
  
  
Serge sat peacefully on the edge of the dock in Arni village. No troubles, no worries no-  
  
"SEEEEEEERRRRRRGGEEEEE!!!! I HAVE AN IDEAAAAAAAAA!!!" -Janice. Serge sighed. 'When will that freaky bunny girl shut up?' he thought.  
  
"OI!!!! SHUT YER TRAP JANICE!!! HEY SERGE!!!!" *Sigh* here comes Kid.. " SERGE!!! YOU SAID YOU WOULD HELP ME BABYSIT!!!" And Leena.  
  
" MONSIEUR!!! MON ONDATRA FAIT AUX LE FLAN!!!" And Harle?!?!  
  
Serge could see a stampede gathering and plowing aside anybody who came in the way. The futile call of an old lady reached his ears.  
  
"Remember, don't go ruining those boats. They're like a limb to the fisherm- AUGHH!!! Gurgihglyhigmishnabiff." Her limp carcass seen was flying through the air. The cry of the girls was heard in unison. " SERRRRGGGGEEEEE!!!!!" Harle was the first one to reach him. She deftly climbed upon his head and remained perched there. " Monsieur!!! Did you dream of moi??? Listen, I have zis ticket-" " GET OFFA HIM YA LOONEY!!! " Shut up! Serge and moi are having a intelligente converzation-"  
  
"SERGGEEEEEEE!!! I HAVE AN IDEA!!!!!"  
  
Harle looked at Janice with disgust. "Monsieur, do you actually know zis femme?" Embarrassed, Serge replied, "Lets not get into it.."  
  
"SERGE!!!!!!!!" Leena shouted angrily, "You promised me- WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!?! WHY IS HARLEQUIN ON YOUR HEAD?!?!?!?!"  
  
Harle smiled gleefully. "Jelouz zat Monsieur Serge choze moi above you? Well, zat iz to be expected, seeing a moi iz so beautiful-"  
  
"Ummm.excuse me, Harle, Leena-" Serge ventured, red-faced  
  
"YOU SHUT UP CYNICAL CLOWN!!! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I-"  
  
" AM A REAL DORK!!!" Kid finished for her, laughing.  
  
" TOUCHE KID! NIZE ONE!" said a certain snickering Harle.  
  
"Thank you!" replied Kid, bowing. "I GOT A POST-IT NOTE STUCK TO MY BUTT THIS MORNING!!!" yelled Janice. Everybody sighed with extreme exasperation. Then Serge looked from Harle, to Kid, and then to Leena. They all nodded.  
  
" Janize.. How would you like to meet Mon ami Monsieur Bladeofdeath?" Harle asked with pseudo nonchalance.  
  
"OKAY!!!" screeched Janice happily. Large sweat drops appeared on the heads of the people surrounding her.  
  
"Shall we?" asked Serge  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oui."  
  
Four blades flashed, briefly blinding all within 3 kilometers. Within an unbelievably short amount of time, the body of a malformed rabbit girl lay twitching on the ground. "Well done ladies!"  
  
  
  
Well! That's the end of Chapter One! Tune in next time to see who takes Serge to the ball! Please review!!!! 


	2. The deed is done

"So, Monsieur, as moi was saying, theez ball, moi has deux ticke-"  
  
"I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF TALKING CLOWN!!!" screamed Leena.  
  
"Heh, we all know it was me-" Kid began  
  
"AHH!! YOU ARE SO STUPID! ZEES CONVERZATION EEZ BETWEEN MOI AND SERGE!!! NOBODY ELZE MUST INTERVENE!!!"  
  
"YEW WISH YA CIRCUS FREAK!!!"  
  
"POULE!"  
  
"YEW TALK IN ENGLISH YA HEAR ME FREAK?"  
  
"NON!!! VOUS ONDATRA!!!"  
  
"ERRRRRRR!!!! SHADDUP!!!"  
  
"So, Serge," Leena coyly slipped next to him while Harle and Kid were fighting. "I hear that the winter ball is coming up and I-"  
  
"You! Leetle femme! Why don't you go home and babyzit zoze ratz of yours!" Harle said mockingly, still happily perched on Serge's head.  
  
"WHY YOU LITTLE-"  
  
"CALM DOWN LADIES!!!" Serge yelled. "Now, What is it you want to ask me. Harle, you go first. Harle smiled and stuck her tongue out at Leena. "Monsieur Serge, I was wondering if you would go to ze ball wit moi."  
  
"HEY! THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY!!!" shouted Leena and Kid in unison.  
  
'Oh boy' thought Serge. 3 angry women.  
  
"So Serge who's it gonna be?" asked Kid.  
  
"Errrrr." replied Serge, blushing. "Ummmmm"  
  
"Monsieur!!!! Look at what moi has! A watere poule!" Harle cried, flourishing a chubby duck. Serge was instantly riveted by the sight of the fowl. Two words barely escaped his mouth.  
  
"A duck?"  
  
Harle smiled. She was a shoo-in. "Oui Monsieur! A duck. It is ze breed "Polish Muffin".  
  
"Polish Muffin?" Serge asked tentatively, a strong look of desire in his eyes.  
  
"Oui!" said Harle, smiling winningly.  
  
"What time do you want me to pick you up Harle?"  
  
  
  
  
  
That's it for Chapta 2!!! Please review!!! Tune in next time to see how the ball goes, between vengeful girls, an attack from post-it notes, and a polish muffin! 


	3. The duck remembrance

TwoHeadedSquirrel: Heh heh. Heh heh. Heh heh. Heh-  
  
Harle: SE TAIRE!! PLEASE SHUT UP!  
  
Serge: [drooling profusely] I wuv oo duck. [realizes he is in public] Oh. I mean. This.is.not.Termina! Yeah  
  
Termina! I was buying some elements for my grid when- [drooling] I wuv ducks.  
  
Kid: [whispering] Ummm.Harle? I don't think you shoulda given him that duck?  
  
Harle: [staring at Serge] What? I know not'ing of zis duck. Ahhh Monsieur Serge!!! You are so-  
  
Janice: I GOT A POST-IT NOTE STUCK TO MY BUTT THIS MORNING!  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: Ummm, Janice, I killed you off, remember?  
  
Janice: Owh. Ummm. not really.  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: -_-' Ummm. [takes Masamune] *SHLUCKKKKK!!!!*  
  
Leena: [whispering] I find it annoying how you make your own sound effects.  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: SHADDUP OR IT'S OFF TO THE SHAVING HOUSE FOR YOU!!! Anywho, I don't own Chrono Cross, or a Polish Muffin, or yet again, Post- its (I mean I own some, but not stock, or the company, or a sock, I haven't washed my socks in a while.)  
  
Kid: Okay.ignore the mutated squirrel and let's get on with the fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Serge sat on the edge of his bed, singing an annoying song to himself. "Harle's gonna give me a duck! Harle's gonna give me a duck! A duck! A duck! A donkey with a sombrero! A-"  
  
"SERGIEKINNSS!!!! Your tux is here!!!!" yelled Serge's mom, who resembled a gerbil in some fashions.  
  
" Thanks ummm." 'Oh god, what's her name again?' Serge thought, 'oh well' "Thanks lady person!!! Ummm just put it in the.uh.uh..the.icebox."  
  
"Okay honey!!!!"  
  
Serge walked down the stairs while contemplating the world's greatest mystery, 'What sock size do I wear?' He paused only momentarily to grab the tuxedo out of the icebox. Slowly walking into the bathroom, his mind shifted to the incident yesterday. 'I hope there's no hard feelings between Leena, Kid and me.' After mulling over that for a few milliseconds, he came to a conclusion. 'Nah, I doubt it; after all they did send flowers to me today. I mean they were laced with radium, but it's the thought that counts'. Several eons passed before Serge managed to get into his tux.  
  
"AWWWWW. MY LITTLE SERGIEKINNS IS ALL GROWN UP AND GOING ON A DATE WITH A BOLIVIAN CLOWN!!!" screeched his Mom, as he was about to leave the house.  
  
A large sweat drop settled on Serge's head. "Ummm Mom? She's French."  
  
"I KNOW DEAR!!! I WISH I HAD A BICYCLE TOO!"  
  
"Urkkkkkk." said Serge as the weight of the sweat drop became unbearable. "I'll just be going now."  
  
Serge arrived at Harle's house, which was actually in the dimensional vortex, on time. How this feat was accomplished we'll never know. He rang the doorbell, which was set to the tune "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts".  
  
"Hold on Monsieur! Moi is coming!!!" The door opened, to reveal Harle, who was dressed in her normal attire. Unfortunately, Serge, who was so excited about getting a duck that his perceptions had changed, said,  
  
" Nice clothes! Are the new?"  
  
Startling, the clothes were new, just in the same fashion. This comment of course, overjoyed Harle to the point that she once more resumed her perch on Serge's head. "So, Harle, ummm when can I get the duck?"  
  
"Ze watere poule shall be yourz once ze ball iz overe, but, until zen ze duck iz mine." Harle said. A sudden wave of sadness washed over her. "Ummm.Monsieur?" she ventured, "Even when you get ze duck.do you t'ink zat moi will still be able to come overe and vizit him?"  
  
Serge saw the tears that brimmed in her eyes. "Of course." He responded softly. Harle smiled as a single glistening tear rolled down her cheek.  
  
"Merci!"  
  
  
  
  
  
That's the end of Chapta 3!!! Okay, Okay, I know you expected the part about the ball to come up, but I felt that this solemn "duck remembrance" needed to be put in and it would be a good place to end the chapter. BUT, I PROMISE UPON MY.ummm. CAT'S FLEA COMB, THAT I, TWOHEADEDSQUIRREL, SHALL PUT UP CHAPTER 4 BEFORE THE 20th OF OCTOBER!!!! AND IT SHALL INCLUDE ALL THAT STUFF YOU WANTED!!!!!!! UNTIL THEN, PLEASE READ OVER AGAIN AND REVIEW!!!! ^.^ 


	4. Pants who needs 'em? obviously a few peo...

*FLASHBACK*  
  
'Serge walked down the stairs while contemplating the world's greatest mystery, 'What sock size do I wear?' He paused only momentarily to grab the tuxedo out of the icebox. Slowly walking into the bathroom, his mind shifted to the incident yesterday. 'I hope there's no hard feelings between Leena, Kid and me.' After mulling over that for a few milliseconds, he came to a conclusion. 'Nah, I doubt it; after all they did send flowers to me today. I mean they were laced with radium, but it's the thought that counts'. '  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: Heh Heh Heh Heh! Eeeheeeheeeheee! Poor wittle Sergiekinns has no idea what's in store for him! Muahahahahaha!!!!!! Boy, Kid and Leena are really gonn-  
  
Kid: STOP GIVING AWAY THE STORY PLOT YEW LITTLE FREAK!!!  
  
Harle: Moi agrees wit zis leetle dog. Ze plot iz not to be giving away, even to make ze fic seem longer!  
  
Leena: I have no clue what you're talking about, but ummm.......I HATE YOU!!!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MAKES SERGE GO OUT WITH THAT CIRCUS FREAK-  
  
Harle: Excuz Moi!!!! Look who iz talking leetle miz "I uze a frying pan to fight my battlez!"  
  
Serge: CALM DOWN LADIES!!! WE CAN WORK WITH THIS- IT'S GONNA BE JUST-  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: EVERYBODY SHUT THE HECK UP!!! LEENA, FOR THAT, I WILL KILL YOU OFF IN THE MOST EMBARRAS-  
  
Kid: STOP GIVING AWAY STORY!!! GEEZ!!! Since they can't seem ta shut up, we just start the fic!!!  
  
The winter ball was being held at Viper Manor, for obvious reasons. It did not take too long to get there from the dimensional vortex.  
  
"Man," said Serge as they reached the gates of the abnormally large estate "I have no clue what the heck these are!!!" he pointed to an outer garment which was apparently part of his tuxedo. "They took me like 3 hours to get into, and I don't even know why I need to wear them!!!"  
  
"Ummm. Monsieur? Zose are called 'Pants'"  
  
" Pants eh? Hmmm I've never worn them before."  
  
The guard who was standing at the gate died instantly from a sweat drop overload. Upon seeing the saturated corpse lying on the ground, Serge and Harle decided that it was in their best interest to say nothing more of pants. Unfortunately, Serge, whose attention span was not up to par, soon forgot. When they entered the Manor, Harle received many jealous glances from the other girls who just found out that Serge didn't know what pants were.  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: Don't Worry! He still wears boxers!!! I'm not that twisted.  
  
The Sky Dragon, upon seeing Harle, called her over, apparently wanting to talk about "The little impending doom incident" Serge took this opportunity to chat with Karsh.  
  
"Hey Serge!!! So- OH!!! YOU HAVE TO WEAR THEM TOO?!?!?!"  
  
"Yeah! I know! Harle says they're called 'Pants'."  
  
"Whoa! I just feel sorry for poor Dario, he wears them everyday!"  
  
They were interrupted by Norris, who also had the same complaint.  
  
"They feel, so...unnatural!!! It's like, wearing, a hat!"  
  
"I know!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
Meanwhile, Kid and Leena were discussing Serge's aberrant obsession with ducks.  
  
"So Kid, do you actually know why Serge likes ducks so much?"  
  
" Yes, Actually. It all started when- here" She said, handing Leena a small, pink, leather-bound book.  
  
"What's this?" Leena asked, overcome by curiosity as to whom would possess a pink book.  
  
"Ummm...." said Kid blushing. She coughed profusely before saying "It's Serge's diary. I stole it from him last night."  
  
"SERGE INVITED YOU OVER LAST NIGHT?!?!?!"  
  
"Heh heh. Ummm... not exactly. Anyways, just read it!!!!"  
  
'All I can remember is blackness. Cold, wet, engulfing, blackness. I remember crying, but nobody came. I felt weak. There was nobody to save me. I cried. Nobody heard me. It was like they didn't care. And then, I remember. Like a being from heaven, she came. Surrounded by light, she pulled my from the living nightmare I was experiencing. She left, and I only have this solitary feather to remember her by. Never, shall I ever forget, the one who cared, the one, who loved me...'  
  
"Whoa," said Leena astonished "I didn't know he loved you that much!"  
  
Kid glanced around nervously. "That wasn't exactly me."  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!?!?! ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU DIDN'T SAVE SERGE FROM DROWNING?!?!?!"  
  
" HEY!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET ALL "HUFFY" ABOUT IT! JUST SO YOU KNOW, I WAS OCCUPIED WITH IMPORTANT MATTERS OF MY OWN!" Kid shouted.  
  
"So, who did Schala send to save Serge then?"  
  
Kid coughed once more. "A duck." she blushed.  
  
"And what exactly were those important matters you just had to attend to?"  
  
" I was on the can okay?!?!?! Lay off will ya?!?!?!"  
  
Leena was on the verge of tears. She was laughing so hard that she almost suffocated. "So, What you're telling me, is that Serge, who was about to die, was rescued by a duck?!?!?!?!"  
  
"Yes."  
  
  
  
Wow! Quite a cliffhanger there huh? So, for all you clueless people out there, now you know why Serge loves ducks so much. Yes, and technically if a duck saved Serge, then the whole game would be different. But, this isn't the game is it? YOU GOTTA LOVE FANFICTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	5. The Skydragon and Saltines!

*FLASHBACK*  
  
"So, what? You're telling me that Serge, who was about to die, was rescued by a duck?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!"  
  
"Yes"  
  
  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: Eeeheheheheheehheh! It's been a loooonnnngggg timmmeeeeee since I've updated, but, I'm here now, so, yeah, and-  
  
Kid: Listen, Squirrel, We dun really care about ya personal life, so, shut yer mouth!  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: *gasp* I'm appalled Kid! Tsk tsk! I'll just have to kill you off! *makes note on pad* *mutters to self* Yes yes, and stab in the gut will do-  
  
Kid: GAHHH!!!! I'M SORRY!!! PLEASE FORGIVE-  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: You'll do anything you say? *grins evilly*  
  
Kid: Err....I never said that-  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: Two weeks of cleaning out my locker? Done! ^^  
  
Kid: *sweatdrop*  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: Now, if you'll excuse my rambling, ON TO THE FIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wo0t!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Serge fidgeted with his pants, as he angrily eyed Karsh, who, had gotten permission to take his off.  
  
"Wo0t!!!! HEY SERGE!!!!!! GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? I DUN HAVE TO-"  
  
"Shaddup!" Serge snapped, glaring at pantless warrior. Karsh smiled smugly as he began to force feed the discarded pants to Riddel, who was convulsing madly.  
  
"K-k-arshhhhhhhhhh.....................p-p-pants.............cho-cho-kink- kin-kink-"  
  
"What? I'm sorry Riddel, you're really gonna hafta take those pants outta your mouth. I can't hear a word you're saying!"  
  
Serge idly began tugging at the lower garment.  
  
"Must.............get............off-" he muttered, just as he was interupted by Harle.  
  
"Monsieur? Moi haz to go deestroy ze world now." She fumed at the Skydragon, who promptly assimililated with the saltines. "Eet weel be serveral hourz, zo, I should be back before ze end of ze ball. Wait for moi, oui?"  
  
"Wha?" Serge drooled. Harle emitted a sigh.  
  
"I must go, uh, shave ze ducks now." She ad libbed. Serge's face lit up.  
  
"I wanna come!" he exclaimed giddily, fidgeting madly.  
  
"Uh...but.........uh.......Mosieur! You, must, stay here, and, uh, watch.........ze.............watere poule!!! Oui! Ze duck!" The clown produced the chubby fowl from seemingly nowhere. Serge's overlarge cerulean eyes expanded to the point they took up half of his face.  
  
"I-Iget to watch the-the duck? he stuttered, completely engrossed by disgruntled bird, who was eating the attempting to swallow a bar of Ivory soap. Harle smiled, knowing she had the duck-prone boy wrapped around her finger.  
  
"Oui, Monsieur, zo, you must promees moi one zing."  
  
"Anything!" Drooled poured from the blue-haired boy's mouth, creating a puddle of yellow-tinted saliva.  
  
"You must keel off Leena-"  
  
"I HAVE A TENTACLE GROWING OUT OF MY NOSE!" Janice screeched. The entire populus of viper manor choked on massive sweatdrop.  
  
"HOW THE HECK DID YOU COME BACK TO LIFE!?!?!?!?!" Kid managed to choke out.  
  
"WHAT? OH. YESH. I HAVE A DISH TOWEL." responded Janice, staring up a stain on ceiling.  
  
"What does that have to do with anything?!?!?" Leena queried, annoyed. But the freakish bunny-girl was already drowning in her own spit.  
  
"Ugh......" exclaimed Serge, nudging Janice's corpse with a stick. Promptly, several random children appeared from nowhere and began poking the cadaver with sticks.  
  
"Anywho.........." Harle continued. "You weel do eet, oui?" the clown said as she waited for a response from Serge. "Monsieur?" she prompted  
  
"Wha? Oh, yeah, whatever. Jus gimme the duck." By now, the suspense was impairing his sanity, and he began bickering furiously with the voices in his head. Harle smiled smugly as she deposited the duck into awaiting arms of the duck-loving hero.  
  
"Could you complete moi's task by 11 o'clock?"  
  
"Y.........eah...................." Serge responded. But the boy was lost in his own little world now.  
  
"Merci! Moi shall be back zoon! Have fun!" and with that, the clown disappeared from sight, armed with a large surplus of M14a's, AK-47's, and Steyr Augs.  
  
Serge's eyes glazed over as he whispered into the ear of the disgrunteled fowl.  
  
"I wuv oo duck!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
BA BUMM BUMMM!!!! SERGE HAS JUST UNWITTINGLY SIGNED AN ORAL CONTRACT TO KILL LEENA!!!!! *koff koff* No problem there-  
  
Leena: HEY!!!!!!!!  
  
TwoHeadedSquirrel: *koff koff* Well, anywho! Thanks for reading!! Please review! ^^ 


End file.
